There are two things that can explode my tear ducts in about less than a second. One would be when my dad or my bro scold me (regardless of whether I deserve it or not). And two - when someone reminisces about my grandparents. You might notice this glitch that I said “when someone reminisces” and not “when I remember”. There is a reason to this too. I don’t ever think about them if I can help it. I block them totally out of my mind whenever needed to. Yes, I’m cowardly. And I’m not proud of this fact at all. But that’s the way am made up. I miss them. I miss my grandparents like hell. I so badly wish they were here with us. And it pains me to realize that there is no way to get them back and so I take the easy way out – not think about them. And when someone mentions them, bang, am outta that room as fast as my legs could take me. Yeah I agree again, am a coward !
All my friends mention how close they are with their maternal cousins and tell all the real mischievous pranks they keep plotting against each other. Sounds fun but it always confused me why is it that I don’t know MY maternal cousins so well ?! To be frank, I got to memorize all their names when I was 10 or 11. It shouldn’t take that long for any normal loving family. Should it ?! Why did it happen to me then ?! I was forced to face the reality when a friend of mine was excited about the end of exams because she’ll be going to visit her maternal grandparents just like every summer. And here is why..
My maternal grandparents expired when I was maybe 5. I don’t even remember their faces. Here, photographs and pictures are my only mode. How can someone miss a person he/she has no memory of ?! You can’t. Well, such is my case.
And because of the early demise of my maternal Grandparents, we’ve always spent our summer holidays with my paternal grandparents. Actually my paternal family is not exactly as loving as a happy family should be and I’ve longed more than once that they’d be like my mom’s family. But it is not to be.
Kids can hardly understand any of these complications. So I’ve always enjoyed my holidays and have many memories of the absurd and the ridiculous adventures me and my cousins enjoyed. I was never close to my Dada or Dadi. My Dada was a very reputable person in my village and people often used to come to him for advices and needs. He was a doctor. I always loved him and felt immensely proud of him. One day someone told me that he treats the poor and the needy for free of charge and even supplies them medicines, I started regarding him with a new-born affection. When I grew up, every time I went to his place and when a neighbor or a passer-by used to look at me, I used to act all proud having this “Yeah, he is MY grandpa” look :D Might sound childish but I always feel special when I’m there.
He had this liver problem. But I was always sure that my grandpa is strong and he can pull through anything. He visited Hyderabad and had undergone excellent treatment. Suddenly, one night we got a call that he was seriously ill and admitted in a hospital. We couldn’t get train reservations. So we decided to travel by car. But it’s not safe to travel by highways in the night time, so we decided to start early in the morning. It took us around 9 hrs. We were 2 hrs late. That was the first time I had experienced the feeling of losing someone I loved. But as they say life goes on..
Just two years later, I was writing my 11th boards. My last exam was to be on 16th of March. But because of some strikes, it got postponed to 18th. I was in a way happy to have a break, so I could prepare better. We got a call a day before that my Grandma wasn’t well. If I had finished my exams on schedule, we could have made it. But again, it was not to be. After my exams I even went out with my friends to celebrate because no one really told me the seriousness of the situation. She passed away on 19th March 2007 and we were a few hrs late again. To this day, I curse my 11th boards and curse the stupid strike.
And as earlier mentioned, it’s not a loving family. So we drifted apart. I went back to that house just twice when we were offering special prayers for my grandparents. Now, I don’t feel like going there. It’s empty. And it also scares me to find the place so calm when a few yrs back it used to be all crowded and filled with laughter of us kids and gossips of our aunts and that humor of our uncles and that glow on the faces of my grandparents. I miss them and those days but times have changed and it’s not the same and I don’t wish to go back. I again don’t have the strength to face such vast a change. But I have the memories and I’ll always hold on to them come what may. And life is still going on..
I look back onto the day when my Grandma expired. That day I realized I’m all alone. Ya, I have my parents, my brothers, cousins, friends .. But that shadow of an elderly love was forever gone. Am still a kid and they’re all gone. But I knew, life will go on, and it still does..
